Hopefully he won't be a biter...

It's official!! The little man has cut some teeth. Woohoo!

Three as a matter of fact. First one on his 10 month birthday (8-23) and then two today. And more are on the way. It's about freaking time! Though I have to admit I'm a bit sad in that I just love that toothless grin. So sweet. So pure. Unconditional love. I swear...there is nothing in the world like it. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he won't start to bite. I'm still nursing (which I love) and plan to for at least another two to three months. And biting ain't fun. Fingers crossed.

R is quite possibly the biggest lover in the world. He is my balance. He loves to cuddle. Loves to snuggle. And is just content to hang out in my arms and rest his head on my shoulder. Truly melts every fiber of my being. Turns me to complete and total MUSH! And it makes the world slow down. Almost stop. Which is so lovely for me. I can't do that on my own. It's a moment where you can plainly see...he needs me. And I need him.

B was never that way and even though I "know" that he loves me and needs me, I always have a hard time not reacting emotionally when he wants T...which is ALWAYS. And it's been that way from the beginning. It's hard for a mother to arrive to pick up her kids after a long, exhausting, suck-ass day at work and have your child jump up at hearing you arrive and run right past you without even a glance straight into his Daddy's arms. No matter how you look at it, it stings. I'm not one for hiding how I feel about things either. (All of you that know me just gave an incredibly loud GUFFAW.) My heart is worn on my sleeve. Exposed. Raw. For everyone to see.

So my lessons and learnings over the past 3.5 years have challenged me to the very core. And I am quite certain will continue to challenge me until my last moment in life. I cannot describe the effort it takes for me to put on a happy face and take the second helping of hellos and hugs. It's excruciating. But - it has to be done. I'll tell you this though. Inside? I am sticking my tongue out and making poo poo noises. Yes, people. I am trying to keep this "G" rated. (Even louder guffaws here. I'm infamous for my creative language.)

Now - don't get me wrong...I made B this way. Not by choice or upbringing. But by simply passing all my genes, ingrained behavioral habits and vices down to him. He comes by it naturally. It's inherited. He is me in every way, shape and form. A carbon copy. So - it makes sense...logically. Emotionally? It BITES. You know how in some random situation you wind up on video tape and then sometime later watch yourself and go "Holy crap. Am I really like that?" Imagine seeing that in your child. It's surreal. And then especially real during the moments of tantrum fits when my husband oh-so-lovingly says "A - see that? That is YOU." Sigh.

I'll admit though, I am secretly hoping that my little cuddler is going to stay a cuddler. If R does continue on the path of having T's demeanor, then I'm golden. So far...so good. Honestly, I haven't been around a happier child. He is so easy to please and so content. So smiley and so engaging.

But...there's always a but...he has a mind and a path of his own. He will not do anything that he does not want to do. That child is the squirmiest thing you ever saw. We struggled to put his diapers on from the moment he entered the world. Little legs that lock in place and go totally rigid. To the point where if you pushed his legs down, his upper body would pop up. No kidding! We've had to pull off the changing table pad cover because he uses it as leverage when trying to escape. Twists underneath it and pulls it off. So now, it's gone. And I can already tell that this child is going to be a dirty one. He absolutely HATES to have his face cleaned, nose wiped, etc. I mean he screams bloody freaking murder. I wonder if our neighbors can hear...our house is paper thin...interesting thought...Anyway...

I'm working so hard to learn how to just be in the moment and be happy to be just happy. Damn, it's hard as hell though. My smiles come so much easier when I am on the receiving end of an outstretched arm, mommy-is-the-only-one-in-the-world, toddling-into-my-body hug. Those moments are just indescribable. I want them to last forever.

Hallo? Hallo??

I feel like I have abandoned my post. I definitely have missed it for sure. Things have just been so out of control I can hardly breathe. Much less try and keep up with my daily life. It's amazing how incredibly difficult just getting to work on time can be. I've pretty much abandoned all hope that it can happen. Oh well...I'll make it up on the back end. Somehow. Some way.

Life these days is moving a warp speed. B is 3.5 and about to start preschool for this year in Room 4. Very important. "It's not just school Mommy. It's Room 4." Got it. B took swimming lessons this summer which was quite the experience. My little "mini me" wasn't all that fond of not being in control. Go figure that. He actually did an amazing job and loves to go under water and get his face wet. He just wants to do it when he wants to do it. And there's no room for anything else. Pretty funny really.

And R is beyond on the move. He'll be 10 months in less than a week and has been walking for almost 6 weeks. TOTALLY UNREAL. He's just toddling around all over the place and is as happy as he can be. Of course the little booger has zero teeth. Which is quite funny. I love that little toothless grin. He's just so sweet. So easy going and easy to please. His sweet little hair is starting to curl. He's going to look like me...but we think he'll have T's more chilled out persona. That'll be nice. Too many of "me" around and we'd all freak out. R is also about to start preschool for this year and he's gotten a promotion! From the infant room to the toddler room. Cheers!

In all honesty, I have been so wrapped up in work and have had my energy zapped to the very core that I really haven't had much time to 'just be" at all. That makes things quite difficult really. I feel like my life is just whipping around me and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Sometimes (hell - who am I kidding), no actually all the time I wish I was more the type of person who can just relax and go with the flow of things. Just let life come as it does and be happy. Actually, I'd like to meet one of those people. Does that really exist? I can't see it.

You mean just live in the moment? Always accepting things for what they are and smiling and taking it all in? You've got to be kidding. That's beyond ridiculous. I'm way to wigged out. Way to wrapped up in the detail. Like I said...I can't even get to work on time. I can't go more than a couple of steps with out a sticky note plastered to my mirror, face, purse, fridge.

But...I am trying. I'm trying to not be so serious. Trying not to sweat the small stuff. Trying to laugh when things go haywire. But you know what...that's work in itself. It goes against every fiber of my being and it's hard. I am trying to learn though. And I feel like I have to get there if I'd like to achieve any amount of sanity over the next 50+ years.

Wish me luck.


I'll tell you this...one thing that I have enjoyed lately is our most recent purchase. Of a redneck, should-have-it-in-the-front-yard, white trash inflatable pool. The thing freaking ROCKS! It's 9' in diameter. I mean B can literally swim across this bad boy. It's hilarious. We just crank on the music, spray the super soakers and chill out in the yard. All I need now is a raft...