Hopefully he won't be a biter...

It's official!! The little man has cut some teeth. Woohoo!

Three as a matter of fact. First one on his 10 month birthday (8-23) and then two today. And more are on the way. It's about freaking time! Though I have to admit I'm a bit sad in that I just love that toothless grin. So sweet. So pure. Unconditional love. I swear...there is nothing in the world like it. Let's keep our fingers crossed that he won't start to bite. I'm still nursing (which I love) and plan to for at least another two to three months. And biting ain't fun. Fingers crossed.

R is quite possibly the biggest lover in the world. He is my balance. He loves to cuddle. Loves to snuggle. And is just content to hang out in my arms and rest his head on my shoulder. Truly melts every fiber of my being. Turns me to complete and total MUSH! And it makes the world slow down. Almost stop. Which is so lovely for me. I can't do that on my own. It's a moment where you can plainly see...he needs me. And I need him.

B was never that way and even though I "know" that he loves me and needs me, I always have a hard time not reacting emotionally when he wants T...which is ALWAYS. And it's been that way from the beginning. It's hard for a mother to arrive to pick up her kids after a long, exhausting, suck-ass day at work and have your child jump up at hearing you arrive and run right past you without even a glance straight into his Daddy's arms. No matter how you look at it, it stings. I'm not one for hiding how I feel about things either. (All of you that know me just gave an incredibly loud GUFFAW.) My heart is worn on my sleeve. Exposed. Raw. For everyone to see.

So my lessons and learnings over the past 3.5 years have challenged me to the very core. And I am quite certain will continue to challenge me until my last moment in life. I cannot describe the effort it takes for me to put on a happy face and take the second helping of hellos and hugs. It's excruciating. But - it has to be done. I'll tell you this though. Inside? I am sticking my tongue out and making poo poo noises. Yes, people. I am trying to keep this "G" rated. (Even louder guffaws here. I'm infamous for my creative language.)

Now - don't get me wrong...I made B this way. Not by choice or upbringing. But by simply passing all my genes, ingrained behavioral habits and vices down to him. He comes by it naturally. It's inherited. He is me in every way, shape and form. A carbon copy. So - it makes sense...logically. Emotionally? It BITES. You know how in some random situation you wind up on video tape and then sometime later watch yourself and go "Holy crap. Am I really like that?" Imagine seeing that in your child. It's surreal. And then especially real during the moments of tantrum fits when my husband oh-so-lovingly says "A - see that? That is YOU." Sigh.

I'll admit though, I am secretly hoping that my little cuddler is going to stay a cuddler. If R does continue on the path of having T's demeanor, then I'm golden. So far...so good. Honestly, I haven't been around a happier child. He is so easy to please and so content. So smiley and so engaging.

But...there's always a but...he has a mind and a path of his own. He will not do anything that he does not want to do. That child is the squirmiest thing you ever saw. We struggled to put his diapers on from the moment he entered the world. Little legs that lock in place and go totally rigid. To the point where if you pushed his legs down, his upper body would pop up. No kidding! We've had to pull off the changing table pad cover because he uses it as leverage when trying to escape. Twists underneath it and pulls it off. So now, it's gone. And I can already tell that this child is going to be a dirty one. He absolutely HATES to have his face cleaned, nose wiped, etc. I mean he screams bloody freaking murder. I wonder if our neighbors can hear...our house is paper thin...interesting thought...Anyway...

I'm working so hard to learn how to just be in the moment and be happy to be just happy. Damn, it's hard as hell though. My smiles come so much easier when I am on the receiving end of an outstretched arm, mommy-is-the-only-one-in-the-world, toddling-into-my-body hug. Those moments are just indescribable. I want them to last forever.

Hallo? Hallo??

I feel like I have abandoned my post. I definitely have missed it for sure. Things have just been so out of control I can hardly breathe. Much less try and keep up with my daily life. It's amazing how incredibly difficult just getting to work on time can be. I've pretty much abandoned all hope that it can happen. Oh well...I'll make it up on the back end. Somehow. Some way.

Life these days is moving a warp speed. B is 3.5 and about to start preschool for this year in Room 4. Very important. "It's not just school Mommy. It's Room 4." Got it. B took swimming lessons this summer which was quite the experience. My little "mini me" wasn't all that fond of not being in control. Go figure that. He actually did an amazing job and loves to go under water and get his face wet. He just wants to do it when he wants to do it. And there's no room for anything else. Pretty funny really.

And R is beyond on the move. He'll be 10 months in less than a week and has been walking for almost 6 weeks. TOTALLY UNREAL. He's just toddling around all over the place and is as happy as he can be. Of course the little booger has zero teeth. Which is quite funny. I love that little toothless grin. He's just so sweet. So easy going and easy to please. His sweet little hair is starting to curl. He's going to look like me...but we think he'll have T's more chilled out persona. That'll be nice. Too many of "me" around and we'd all freak out. R is also about to start preschool for this year and he's gotten a promotion! From the infant room to the toddler room. Cheers!

In all honesty, I have been so wrapped up in work and have had my energy zapped to the very core that I really haven't had much time to 'just be" at all. That makes things quite difficult really. I feel like my life is just whipping around me and there's nothing I can do to stop it. Sometimes (hell - who am I kidding), no actually all the time I wish I was more the type of person who can just relax and go with the flow of things. Just let life come as it does and be happy. Actually, I'd like to meet one of those people. Does that really exist? I can't see it.

You mean just live in the moment? Always accepting things for what they are and smiling and taking it all in? You've got to be kidding. That's beyond ridiculous. I'm way to wigged out. Way to wrapped up in the detail. Like I said...I can't even get to work on time. I can't go more than a couple of steps with out a sticky note plastered to my mirror, face, purse, fridge.

But...I am trying. I'm trying to not be so serious. Trying not to sweat the small stuff. Trying to laugh when things go haywire. But you know what...that's work in itself. It goes against every fiber of my being and it's hard. I am trying to learn though. And I feel like I have to get there if I'd like to achieve any amount of sanity over the next 50+ years.

Wish me luck.


I'll tell you this...one thing that I have enjoyed lately is our most recent purchase. Of a redneck, should-have-it-in-the-front-yard, white trash inflatable pool. The thing freaking ROCKS! It's 9' in diameter. I mean B can literally swim across this bad boy. It's hilarious. We just crank on the music, spray the super soakers and chill out in the yard. All I need now is a raft...

YouTube - How Did We Ever Live Without It?

I'm not sure how we did. But I will tell you how much I enjoy it in so many ways. First and foremost...to share the goofballness that we have passed on to our kids with everyone. Like the video seen here. Have I mentioned the B is me reincarnated? From the bossiness...to the clutziness...to the overwhelming level of drama.

And then also to share other levels of goofballness that I thoroughly enjoy...like this...

Boy - this technology thing. It's going to be big someday.

The Routine

As a parent, the "routine" is something I know, with total certainty, I cannot live without. I'm already hanging by the thinnest of threads, teetering on the edge of the proverbial precipice. Without a routine...it would all go to hell in less than a millisecond.

A typical day looks like this:
1. Alarm at 6:33 - snooze hopefully 2x - though that rarely if ever happens.
2. Nurse R while T goes downstairs to sterilize the breast pump parts and make sure R's bottles are ready and B's lunch is made. (how in the world do people do this without a "team" of support?)
3. B wakes up and scours the house looking for Daddy and immediately requests his daily cup of milk and yogurt and breakfast (i.e. cereal bar, cheerios & milk, oatmeal - or as B would say "oatmealk.")
4. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Between The Lions is now heard throughout the house and captivates both of my children. I tend to hear the theme songs in my head at random times throughout the day. Like in meetings or on a conference call.
5. R is brought back to center and re-distracted away from crawling over the entire expanse of the house and digging in the plants like sand on a beach.
6. Nudge and prod B so we can do his daily allergy prevention which consists of Zyrtec, antihistamine eye drops and steroid nasal spray (did I mention he is 3.5?) and give him his chewable vitamin. All the while T is slathering his body with sunscreen in prep for his trek to camp at school.
7. Meanwhile I'm checking both kid's bags to ensure they have clothes, etc. for the day. Blankets, sheets, nappers, loveys...
8. Buckle R in his car seat carrier - not much longer though...the kid is creeping up on 20 pounds...
9. On my way out the door grab: purse, breast pump, work bag, R's bag, R's bottles, B's back pack, B's napper AND B's swim bag if it's a pool day (which is M-W).
10. Put both kids in the car and T and I both trek over to school to drop them off. It's a bear of a time with that much gear for one person...Though, on some days, the kids go over to my Mom's house. Then - T and I split. Me with R to my Mom's, T with B off to school.
11. Off to work.

And that's our morning. Every day. Without fail. And no deviations. Even the slightest hiccup throws the whole ordeal out of whack. What I need to figure out is...where do I take deep breaths? It should happen multiple times within each step. And I just realized that I forgot to include the step where I shower and get dressed. Gee - how insignificant must that be?? Just add that in somewhere between 4 and 5.

Now - for the evenings...I typically try to leave work between 5 and 5:15. Which means I hit my Mom's house about 6pm.
1. Pick up the kids at Mom's house. I thoroughly enjoy the big bright smiles and running-into-my-arms hugs. Or in R's case...crawling-into-my arms. This his a highlight of my day.
2. Grab all said bags and gear that was taken to school that morning and put it in the car while B is picking up his toys.
3. Buckle R in his seat.
4. B opens and holds the door open for me and R as we leave Mom's heading for the car. He does this expertly and then moves swiftly to the car and places his hand on the back fender waiting for me to put R in the car, open his door and help him climb in.
5. Ask B all about his day and sing songs on the way home.
6. If needed, stop at grocery store or get gas. The store gets tricky...and is therefore done sparingly...
7. Arrive at home and take at least 3 trips of getting everyone and everything into the house. B does an excellent job of distraction with R. He makes all kinds of goofy faces and noises and they both crack up laughing. It's quite entertaining. And is my first glimpse into how my boys are going to grow up loving to play with each other. It's going to be awesome.
8. Change into comfy clothes and into my glasses. Ahhh...that's nice.
9. Proceed with making dinner of some kind...some fast, some not so fast, some delivery or take out.
10. Feed R his solids while eating dinner - trading off nights with T.
11. Play for 5-10 minutes before heading up to bath.
12. Bathe both kids in the tub together with R going first.
13. T takes R and slathers him with lotion and puts him in his jammies while I bathe B.
14. Dry off B, help him brush his teeth and bring him into R's room where I trade with T.
15. Nurse R and put him down for the night. This is where we will begin to incorporate stories with R when he is not exhausted. Some days we do now, others he just launches his body sideways ready to nurse and go to sleep. This is one of my few moments of relaxation as I watch Friends episodes while nursing. I started on season 1 when R was born and am now on disc 2 of season 10. Look at me go...
16. Meanwhile - T is slathering B with lotion, doing eye drops and saline nose spray, cortisone on his knees where he has broken out with allergies (DAMN ALLERGIES) and blow drying his hair. Yes - my child has so much hair that without a blow dryer he would look like Kramer every day, all day.
17. Then T is reading stories to B. This used to be me...and I miss it terribly. B just LOVES books and I have a real weakness for getting him new stories. I'm looking forward to when both kids are old enough to read stories together. I hope we can make that happen soon.
18. Lights out for B. This is where we get to snuggle. But not just haphazardly. No way. Per B - T must go first BY HIMSELF. Then me. Always. Every night. No deviations whatsoever. Though I must say it is nice one-on-one time with B. Telling us about his day, doing Eskimo and Butterfly kisses. Telling us that he loves us, loves me two, loves me three...loves me infinity!
19. And then...it's about 9:30...and quiet.
20. Time to head downstairs and once again sterilize pump parts and bottles, make bottles and tomorrow's lunch.
21. At last, I'm off to pump on the days that R passes out before a long feeding due to short naps during the day. Or - on those rare occasions - I may actually be able to sit down for a moment.
22. It's about 10:30 and I am starting to wind down...time to turn out the light for me.

And it'll all start over again at 6:00 am...I'm exhausted already. No wonder the weekends are heavenly...

Our Songs

We're a creative family. We just can't help it. It's something we were all born with. And something we completely enjoy. So what do we do with that creativity? We make up songs. They make us laugh. They make us calm. They help us keep our sanity. I wish you could hear us sing them for you in person...but the lyrics will just have to do. Hope you enjoy.

Nite Nite Songs (by Mommy)
For B:
Close your eyes, and go to sleep
Cause little B is tired.
Take a nap, and get some rest
We will play again in a little while.

For R:
It's time to go nite nite, little R baby
It's time to close your eyes now, little R boy.
It's time for sweet dreams, little R baby
Good night, sleep tight, little R boy.

The Doody Song (by Daddy)
(This song is sung while the kids are in diapers. So it has been sung for B in the past, but now is all about R.)
R's got a doody in his pants, and it makes him want to dance
Makes him want to scream and shout.
R's got a doody in his pants, and it makes him want to dance
Gotta get the doody out!
R's got a doody in his pants, and it makes him want to sing
Makes him want to do, just about anything
To get that doody out
To get that doody out
To get that doody out, of his pants!

Row, Row, Row (by Mommy for R)
Row, row, R cass
Eatin' from the boob.
Slurpin, smackin', slurpin', smackin'
Gettin' all his food.

Coo Coo Pants (by Daddy, assisted by Mommy for B)
Coo Coo Pants, he likes to dance
All day long he sings his song.
Coo Coo Pants, he likes to dance
All day long he sings his song.

Kikoman, he claps his hands
All day long he sings his song.
Kikoman, he claps his hands
All day long he sings his song.

Bumble Bee, he's flying free
All day long he sings his song.
Bumble Bee he's flying free
All day long he sings his song.

Booger Butt, he struts his stuff
All day long he sings his song.
Booger Butt, he struts his stuff
All day long he sings his song.

And on top of the songs we make up ourselves, we have to remember we have quite the little performer in our household. As I'm sure you have learned, our little parrot likes to be the center of attention. Which does make for entertaining song memorization. My stepdad, has taught B the following two little diddies:

Little Chicky
I have a little chicky and he wouldn't lay an egg
So I poured hot water up and down his leg.
And the little chicky cried, and the little chicky begged
And the little chicky laid a hard boiled egg.
Dum diddy dum dum, dum dum!

Pajamas
I wear my pink pajamas in the summer when it's hot
And I wear my flannel nighties in the winter when it's not.
And sometimes in the spring time, and sometimes in the fall
I hope between the sheets with nothin' on at all.

I wish with all my heart all of you could experience the singing in person. We'll have to get it on YouTube soon...

Faster Than A Speeding Bullet

So...here I am. Alone. In a hotel room in Chattanooga,TN awaiting dinner and a meeting with my client in the morning. Really - not so interesting. But it does give me a few moments for me to ponder my 1st June blog entry. Sweet.

My little one, R, is 7.5 months old. I truly can't believe it. Talk about time flying. I feel like I'm whipping around in a wind tunnel with all the world zooming past me and I can barely catch a glimpse of what is going on. But those glimpses...they are awesome.

R is so mobile...he's like lightning. He's been crawling for over a month now and once he's down, he's moving. So much earlier than B which has T and I a little freaked. Just cause he's still so little. That when we say "No", he just looks over at us and smiles and proceeds to do whatever his little heart desires. We can distract him, thank goodness. And he does appear to listen - for a second or two. We've read that his memory is somewhere along the lines of 30 seconds. HA! How entertaining...

He's also pulling up on anything and everything that is higher than a few inches off the ground. AND moving from one piece of furniture to another with one hand and a single step. Truly - I'm amazed. B started doing this at like 9+ months. So - we feel sure we are in for mass hysteria sometime in the near (very near) future.

I tell you though, I am enjoying every single second of watching this child grow. R is the happiest child I've ever encountered and just loves anyone and everyone. Such a blessing. He has a smile that lights up the room and he loves to cuddle which melts my heart. But I tell you...his favorite person in the world is B. So - all those parenting stories about siblings are true. Luckily - B is an entertainer and loves an audience. Any audience. And he is currently thriving on R's total obsession with every move he makes. He plays the goof and R cackles like the perfect audience.

I knew that having two kids was going to change my life. And I knew this first year was going to be a challenge. Just trying to adjust to a new routine. Getting back to work. Not having any vacation. Dinners. Baths. Stories. Bikes. Strollers. Pools. Good lord the list goes on and on and on.

But just in the last couple of weeks I have really seen how much my kids are growing. They are starting to play together. Cracking each other up. And that laughter is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. It's amazing. I wish I could bottle it up and keep it in my locket alongside their pictures to have with me...always.

Define "Insanity"

What really is the definition of insanity? Not the clinical term...but just the every day, anybody term. Because lately more and more I feel like I'm losing my mind.

Like yesterday. I brought T's business checkbook to work to write a check for an award entry and then planned to pay bills after the work day was over. I wrote the check, put the checkbook down on the floor near my bag and thought "I really shouldn't leave this just lying on my floor." and tucked it away in my bag.

Come 5pm, I am searching HIGH AND LOW for the freaking checkbook that has apparently vanished into thin air. I mean checked my pockets, my purse, my canvas bag, all my files, in box, out box, copy room, floor, EVERYWHERE. And as compulsive as I am, I checked all those locations like 5-10 times. Especially the canvas bag where I SWORE I put the damn thing. Nothing. So - in my regular daily exhaustion - I start to panic. I just know it's gone. Who in the hell would take a checkbook? At least there was only one check left in it. But still.

So I call in the troops. Headed down to the office manager's office and requested assistance. Sent out an agency-wide email pleading for extra lookers. And then spent the next 30 minutes having everyone question me on where I'd been, if I'd looked here, if I'd looked there. All the while I'm growing more and more stricken.

How in the hell could I lose a damn checkbook? How in the hell could the thing vanish in 2 feet of space? Am I that big of an idiot that I can't keep up with my own personal property? I'm 36...surely I can manage to keep up with something so important.

So - I take deep breaths. I am trying to remain calm and not completely wig out. Things like this happen. To everyone. On a regular basis. I really just need to cut myself some slack. However, that is my biggest vice. Cutting myself slack is the hardest thing in the world. I'm learning how. But I'm still in Kindergarten. Crap - let's face it. It's more like the Toddler room or PreK. Anyway...

Now I'm asked for the 5th time if I've looked in my canvas bag. YES. 10+ times. Flipping through. Pulling everything out. Flipping through. Pulling everything out. But - I'll do it again. And I'll be...there was the little f**ker just sitting there.

Now - please tell my that I'm not insane???